Three Internet Careers Nearly Anyone Can Do (Nearly)


The great thing about the world today is that there is no such thing as scarcity of income if you know how to look for it. Gone are the days of working dawn to dusk in the mill to put food on the table. Instead, those jobs were replaced with a legion of college educated folks that marched into the corporate world taking a seat in a three walled stable.


These too are becoming a thing of the past as the Internet has opened a swath of opportunities to put money in the bank.


1. Instagram Model


Modeling is hardly a new profession. In fact, it's arguably centuries old. Designers find beautiful men and women, slap some odd looking garments on them and parade them down the runway. Oh and don't forget to starve yourself while popping Pakistani made diet pills. Sure, you'll suffer the occasional bout with anal leakage, but that's when you can model adult diapers.


For the past five or so years, the career of modeling has evolved from runway success stories to the Internet. It was only natural that the Internet afforded the opportunity to become famous with out doing anything more than getting banged on film by a semi famous rap star.


Can you tell me what Gabby Westbrook, Madi Edwards and Jocelyn Chew have in common? Aside from the fact I couldn't tell you a damn thing about them, they are Instagram models. And to the best of my knowledge none of the aforementioned women had to fuck on film to earn their keep.



"You're telling me I didn't have to do what? I can't keep up with where you kids get off these days!"


Yes, as disappointed as many of you might be, the easiest way to make money is with your body. Except now, you don't have to do the dirty. As long as you aren't completely unfortunate looking, you too can be an Instagram model. There are programs and apps that can brush away blemishes, brighten smiles, shave off years of your life but are you able to get up and go to Iceland?


I failed to mention the travel.


Yup, you get to travel to exotic locals. Part of the gig is making sure you take your "toned" body to interesting places that your normal joe wouldn't be able to. There is definitely a market for attractive people taking selfies of themselves in an Big Lots bathroom, but you don't get a legion of followers with a ten year old bottle of glade in the background.


Hopefully I can still get that "candid" butt shot I took on #Humpday


The most impressive thing that Instagram models do is their personal branding. The Internet is flooded with pictures of attractive people. It's so bad that a generation of people are developing new mental and social disorders. Yet, somehow these people manage to elevate themselves through branding. The ability to show off their assets (assssssets) in exotic locals and still get noticed by the attention starved masses is actually impressive.


To summarize, you don't have to bone C list celebrities, you get to travel and you work out for a living? Sign me up.


2. YouTube Stars


Ten years ago this would've meant signing "Chocolate Rain" and begging people to subscribe to your pathetic excuse for a channel. The meteoric rise would've came crashing back down burning everything you ever knew to ash. Ten years later you'd still be peddling your past on Twitter and booking gigs at Chuckie E. Cheese.

If this scene from Billy Madison was done now it'd be played on YouTube a billion times over. Kids these days. Am I right?


Now, YouTube has become a platform for assholes to really rake it in. Advertisement dollars, YouTube Red and subscriber donations are all ways for these "stars" to make a few (see cartoon wheelbarrow full of money sacks) bucks. Awhile back, South Park did an episode mocking the theoretical dollars earned by such brilliant talents as Numa Numa guy or Sneezing Panda. The episode culminated in a huge fight and gratuitous violence all for the sake of mocking dopes that did nothing more than park their ass in from of a grainy webcam.


Little did they know that this:


Would eventually turn into this:

I'd argue that the biggest change from the past 11 years is that being famous on YouTube makes you somehow more appealing to the opposite sex.


That is DanTDM. I'm not sure what his real name is and I don't care, but what really matters is that he is raking in Benjamins (or in his case pounds, euros...whatever those limey Brits use) to the tune of $16.5 million in 2017. Just for streaming himself playing video games, cracking jokes and whining about stuff.


I'm actually quite jealous of his success because he gets to have fun while he's getting rich.


Now, I think by now most of you out there are aware of Logan Paul. That douche that stumbled over a dead body in Japan and basically shit all over the fact that it was disrespectful. Kind of like the plot to Stand by Me. He became famous on Vine (RIP) before jumping over to YouTube to bring his particular brand of douchebagery (spelling).

This cheese dick makes more from being an Internet douche than you could ever be from reheating tuna in the corporate kitchen.


There's an army of these people peddling there swill to the masses and people EAT IT UP. Who knew that all of those teenage racists on the Call of Duty servers would go on to be big Internet stars? And you thought college was a good idea.


3. Clickbait and Fake News "Journalists"


In the past I'd say this wouldn't be so much a profession as it would be a crime, but purveyors of fake news sites are generating millions of advertisement dollars from coming up with loads of bullshit to feed to a bullshit starved public. It's not going out on a limb to suggest that during the 2016 election season these idiots rolled in dough.


Why?


Because the vast majority of Americans (probably all nations really) can't figure out the difference between what is fake and what is real news. There are a few theories about why that is and here they are: Fake News is really good at looking real, people let their preconceived notions about news guide them and good old fashion just being dumb. It can be a combination of any of the above.


It's gotten so bad that places like New York University have put out guides for academia researchers to make sure that what they got is in fact, real.


In the background a woman struggles with which clickbait about how much weight Rebel Wilson lost to click. She either looks like a goddess or Hostess.


So how do they make money you ask?


Pay Per Click (PPC) baby! Yup, it's nothing new and for nearly as long as the Internet as been around that's how the moneys been dished out. Used to be views. Now it's clicks. Facebook, Twitter, real news, fake news whatever. There are million stupid links for your grubby hands to click that mouse on and presto! money made.


Things like Adsense and Adwords allow people to make money by creating the fake news ads. It's actually a surprisingly creative field all things considered. Dangerous for feeble minds, but creative nonetheless. Each story has to fell authentic and in some cases there are kernels of truth scattered about each article. It would be like pissing into the wind. You wouldn't be soaked, but there would be enough piss on your clothes to know you made a mistake. I'm not sure that analogy works, but I'm going with it.

Words With Friends wouldn't allow this, but for the sake of this article there are 14 points just sitting there. Toss in a couple TW's and bam. Easy Street.


I'm going to leave you with this. Facebook and Google are cracking down on fake news. So if you want to make some of that scumbag money then I suggest you get out there and get to it. As for the rest of you. Do a little fucking research when you read. If it hasn't hit the national news it is INCREDIBLY unlikely that a site like www.jimlovesguns.com (not a real site) is going to have the scoop on whether or not carrots are going to kill you.


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