Admittely I may not be your atypical beach person. I lack the quintessential beach body, I'm pale and I can't get enough shade when I'm at the beach, but there is one thing I do enjoy at the beach.....
The easiest beverage to indulge in with your toes in the sand is a beer. I'm not sure that's up for debate in my world. So without further delay below is a list of 10 beers I'd crack open at a beach. There's also a completely arbitrary ranking system at the end of each one.
1. Michelob Ultra
A light, low on carbs and calories beer that hits the spot on a hot beach day when lemonade (spiked not included). You see those ridiculous runners commercials where the pound a cold one after an ultra marathon, but for me I prefer a chair and the sound of waves as it soothes my gullet. Plus if you are going with group, it's okay if they swipe a few because they are cheap as dirt in the local Food Lion you are going to unless of course you are one of those yuppie Harris Teeter having folks.
I give Michelob Ultra 3 1/2 grapples (If you've watched Rick and Morty enough you've got this).
2. Corona, Landshark, Modelo etc...
Mexican style cerveza that goes great with lime. It is indeed what most people think of when they go to the beach and get wasted. It is smoother than Michelob Ultra and a step up on the class level, but the major downfall is the price. I mean it's like when you bought jeans in middle school. You paid a premium for the name and the off chance by using that product you'd get your version of whatever action is when your 13. Kids these days am I right? If you are a young to middle age couple sitting near water this is the drink for you.
I give the arbitrary Mexican beers a 7 out of 12.
3. Bud Light, Miller Lite and IC Light
Yeast Waters all of them.
When I got a job in the corporate environment I decided that I was too good for any of these and I stand by that, but that doesn't mean it isn't a good beach beer. I mean look at happy everyone is in their commercials. We're all getting laid! Bud Light has probably gotten people more tail than any other alcoholic beverage aside from tequila. Plus you can get sweet, sweet gear if you drink enough you laden alcoholic.
All of these get a single tear from me.
4. Porch Rocker - Sam Adams
Sam Adams used to grab my attention when I was a naive 21 year old looking for upper class beer. That time has long passed, but Porch Rocker is still a tasty commercial brew. The citrus packed flavor hits the spot when the sun is high and your skin is melting. Forget sitting on your ass under the roof when you have this one. Go and find yourself some beach and get lost in lemmony goodness.
Also, someone said it tastes like bad malt liquor. So theres' that.
I give Porch Rocker 6 paper bags out of 9.
5. Dayblazer Easygoing Ale - New Belgium
This is a tasty, delicious brew and worthy of your cooler space. Just enough bitterness derived from the hops gives it enough weight to put it above your average light ale and into your tummy. I'm not a major fan of bitter beers, but when there is just enough in the brew it keeps me from going overboard. New Belgium is best known for their Fat Tire Ale, but give this Dayblazer a go and you won't be disappointed.
I have a mad respect for Dayblazer.
6. The Hemperor - New Belgium
You may think that I have a rager for New Belgium, but I chose the Hemperor for the awesome name and the fact it is pot infused beer. Not yet legal in most states because the good old US of A is a little rigid, the Hemperor is available is the states that you would think it is available. So you can enjoy this on the Pacific coast or on those fine sandy beaches of Colorado, but not yet on the Atlantic Coast.
I haven't tried it so I can judge it.
7. Any Alcohol
Really is there a bad beer to drink at the beach? Are you disappointed you got to this point in the article and saw this? I would be but the beach is meant to be a joyful place that you can kick back and relax. Grab the nearest friend and drink and relax.
Enjoy your summer! It's coming to end so fast!