A Brief History of Stupid Things Humans Did

Depending on your point of view either humanity is tanking hard as it dives deeper into the 7th circle of hell or the Internet as given the worst of us an outlet to share our thoughts and actions with a wider audience. Either way the end result is the same, stupidity is the folly of man.

In the 1990's elementary school students decided it was a bright idea to take a Yikes! eraser vigorously on their forearm for some inane thrill. It left a wonderfully hideous burn mark like a tribal sign that you belonged with the rest of the booger eaters in the room. If that wasn't enough, the younglings would then share the eraser which according to the media was just as good as sharing a heroin needle. Stories of children catching blood borne diseases frightened parents almost as much as that glass candy your neighbors gave out at Halloween. I'm not sure about you but I think the hype outweighed the results.

This bad boy carried more diseases than that used condom you body surfed in Ocean City

Humans didn't all of a sudden become morons and I think if you traveled back in time you'd be just as disappointed. Hell, you only have to go back to the 1980's to see some glorious Darwinism in action. Car surfing surfed (?) onto the scene in the 80's as a fad that was born from the movies and perfected on the streets.

Can't believe he'd throw away a hairy career in the NBA for a little fun

If you think that this was resigned to movies well then you'd be terribly wrong. The CDC of all places reported that between 1990 and 2008 there were 58 deaths and 41 injuries related to car surfing. Not for nothing most of the deaths and injuries were reported in the Midwest and the South. My theory is maybe because the roads are flat there was a greater occurrence. Can you imagine car surfing down Rialto street?

Anyone remember Rescue 911? Well there's a whole segment based on car surfing.

The 80's were a wild time, but don't worry there were plenty of new things to try out there and one came to the forefront in 2012:


What is buttchugging? Well, at some point in history someone thought they weren't getting drunk enough, fast enough. Shotgunning, beer bonging or keg stands weren't satisfying a personal lust for alcohol and it's detoxifying effects. Kind of like the first "your mama joke" we'll never really know who the first person to begin pouring alcohol into their ass was simultaneously ruining a perfectly good beer bong and a person's dignity. Let's just hope that when they first did it they washed the tube before putting it back in their mouths. Unless of course that's your thing. Then good luck with the e coli.

Buttchugging was the leading cause of death among the pioneers.

Butt chugging made it to the big screen on the wave of fraternity douchery that led to near tragic circumstances:

The video might be hard to hear, but believe me that is a man in a red bow tie that spent years perfectly his understanding of the law, explaining what butt chugging is and how the situation his client found himself in did not constitute as butt chugging.

From one hole to the next let's take a brief look at vodka soaked tampons because why the hell not. The Internet would make you feel as though this occurred in the millennial era, but according to Snopes.com this fun fad supposedly started as far back as 1999. I thought I remembered that Friends episode where Chandler convinced Monica to use her heavy to get wasted.

Here's a quick anatomy lesson for you. Your rectum and a vagina both contain mucus membranes, which from my understanding (I'm not a doctor), allows the user to get drunker, faster. Personally, I've always been fond of just...you know...drinking it. Not for nothing I've heard that a box of Tampax can hold a fifth of Stoli.

Haven't you ever seen an ice cold beer after a long day and thought "I really think this would taste better in my ass."

Finally, let's explore where young people thought that self induced choking was a good idea. I won't go into the details of how to do the "choking game" since I think it is self explanatory, but I bore witness to this once when I was high school. You just stand there and watch someone get choked out by one of your friends until the point of passing out.

Passed out
Passing out around a group of people that were willing to choke you out to begin with is probably a bad idea.

Obviously, the big thing idiots are doing these days are eating tide pods and snorting condoms. I'll save that stupidity for another time. Let's just hope that the people who are snorting the condoms are using them so their seed doesn't pollute the earth.

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