I Made My Wife Watch LOTR and It Went.....



Marriage is a funny thing and opens doors to your partner's minds that you never thought existed. When you are trying to find a date you tend to keep your stranger, inner proclivities to yourself and only put your best foot forward. You smell nice, you dress with style and you talk like you enjooy the gifts of the world beyond memes and tinder fails.


Then you let out that first fart. A b flat rank mess of a fart that ruins that aura of mystery around one another. It in reality it is a watershed moment in the relationship and there is a better than even chance your going to be in love with this person for a lengthy period of time. Perhaps marry them. Both you and your sulfur laced booty bombs joined in holy matrimony.

Remember when you said yes to me and my farts? I sure as hell do.

Aside from noxious gas the next best clap trap is telling your significant other you enjoy things that used to give kids wedgies. For me, it was the infatuation with all things fantasy and geek. I'm not proud to admit, but I'm not ashamed to admit this next facts either, I've read the DOOM books series, Warcraft Books, Starcraft Books and even the Diablo books. Those are exactly literary classics. I mean I've read a ton of great literature, but just like Batman and Robin, there are bad movies out there that people will watch. Through it all though, my wife still said yes when I asked.


When I proposed watching Lord of the Rings because for some ungodly reason she had never seen it, she begrudgingly agreed. I went to so far as to suggest that she would actually like the movie. Bold I know, but I felt confident that she could appreciate the significance of Tolkien's finest brought to the screen.


Naturally, the first thing she noticed was how ridiculously prepubescent Elijah Wood looked in the movie and whether or not Ian McClellan was the guy from Harry Potter.

In his defense he was only 20. I know I looked like a tween when I was getting hammered in my PSU apartment.

Soon though her thoughts went from random observations to wanting to know more about the journey. A genuine delve into the history of Middle Earth. Thankfully, years of pointless research into the mythical backstories painted a picture of what the hell is going on. She enjoyed the fact that it was about the journey and not the road taken. She picked up on the fact that they could've ridden the eagles to the top of Mount Doom. My wife also noticed the strong relationships between the characters and how their paths were intertwined and how they used each other's strengths to prevail. Often the butt of ridicule, Sam and Frodo embody a iron bond between life long friends. Sure, they are borderline beyond platonic, but that not's really the point now is it?


The special effects from a 2001 film didn't exactly thrill her, but the tension of the story carried the day. The constant threat of ring wraiths as they tracked the fellowship, Sean Bean trying to steal the ring and Viggo Mortensen acting like he never did before (or since), She also was amazed to learn that Orlando Bloom was in the movie 15 years before we saw his penis on a SUP.


But perhaps the greatest thing she took from the LOTR was the famous meme that led to a million memes:


One does not simply explain this meme without saying "Yeah, that's the guy from National Treasure...No not Nicholas Cage."

I think I asked about a thousand times if she liked the movie and despite its near 3 hour run time, she did and to my great delight, she's been requesting the Two Towers....That sounds bad, but I mean the movie.




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