Logan's Run: A Retrospective

Updated: May 18, 2019

Michael York looked way over 30 from the beginning. There I said it. That’s the basic tenet of the the 1976 film Logan’s Run. In classic 1970’s fashion, the world is cast into a dysptopian nightmare with little to know explanation beyond the fact that you’ll die at the age of 30. Now granted, the people who live in the dome city are somehow too stupid to know this and go along with something called Carosuel. A ceremony that houses the “revival” where 30 years old get to be reborn….or something like that. The old South Park episode The Wacky Molestation Adventure now makes sense to me and somehow makes more sense than this nonsense:

If you look carefully you can see the wires that these actors should probably hang their careers with.

The people in the city live a hedonistic lifestyle by 1970 standards and the scantily clad men and women just search out each other for pleasure all the time. They live in a mall that is poorly cast as a city. A bit like the Pittsburgh Mills except substantially more eventful.

Here is a mall from the 1970's. Anyone remember when there were still stores and a reason to go to the mall?

As I said, the people are all young and trapped in a building so naturally there will be plenty of sexy-sexy time.

Here’s what passes for sexy in the 1970’s:

Michael York has the better hair. Don't @ me.

Jessica wears a shear tunic item and Logan wears his samurai robes as they hang around a typical 1970s' or 23rd century living room. Styles are cyclical right? I guess we aren't far off from a return to this splendor.

So Logan is some sort of cop called a “Sandman” that hunts down “runners” with his buddy Francis

Eventually, you learn in the movie are people that know the truth. Per the usual he is a crap shot that makes storm troopers look like a sharpshooter. The run around the mall...er...domed city trying to escape death. Him and his buddy shoot some poor bastard and he turns into meat sauce.

This is how I feel at 33 if I drink too much the night before anything.

All of a sudden he too discovers the truth from a mystical computer who ages him closer to Carrousel so naturally he decides to run into the underground without further questioning.

Logan eventually meets up with sex symbol Jenny Agutter and convinces her that there is an escape from the city. I dunno, I’m reading the plot on Wikipedia at this point because I zoned out of the movie for what I’m guessing is 20 minutes. Eventually they get outside and realize you can become an old person after all. Strangely miscast, an old man lives with plenty of pussy in the Senate building.

There’s a joke in there somewhere right? Where are our term limits!?

Remember him? He surrendered at Appomattox then spent his life hating people of color and yet was still elected until he died at like 1000 or something.

Stupidly they return to the mall and try to convince people they aren’t crazy and to abandon their long traditions for their new concept. If there’s anything we know about humanity it’s that they can easily forget about the old ways and accept a new perspective.

Surprise it’s not that easy:

The computer decides it doesn’t accept Logan’s answer to the world and begins its collapse forcing people to change because if nothing else the fear of death will sending everyone to the surface.

Oh and Farrah Fawcett makes an appearance in the movie so there’s that to look forward to.

I’m a sucker for 1970’s science fiction movies, but understand completely that they are by and large, garbage. The story isn’t actually terrible, but the acting is horrendous. I’m not sure when American movies really embraced acting talent, but rest assured it doesn’t start here.

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